Tomorrow

It's almost time. We have been waiting for a long time and now feels unreal that we are so close to get this done. How does it feel? I feel numbed, like being inside a movie and everything moves so slow. My hearth is aching already trying to imagine her in a little hospital gown with tubes and things coming out of her. How could this be happening? I need to stop asking myself silly questions that can't really be answered. We need to be strong, put our faith in God and the doctors and be grateful that we can leave everything behind us in a few months unlike many parents and families with sick children. Happy thoughts from now on.

Four days

Today is just a few days before the surgery scheduled this Friday 27th May. Valentina has a runny nose, I am not feeling very well but I am fighting with everything that I have to not get sick, I will certainly get awfully sick as soon as all of this is over, but at the moment I am not willing to let my body give in and get sick, not even an option. Amelia is doing great, interacting, baby talking, developing her little self every single day, is just amazing to watch. At the same time is very difficult to imagine this little sweet girl going through what she's about to. She just doesn't have any idea of what's to come and that kills me, it makes me feel so guilty that I feel sick in my stomach. We mothers know a lot about guilt doesn't? I just can't help it. Four more days to go, we are holding on like never before. Keep strong my baby girl.

A new date

Today is 19th of April. Today was suppose to be just a few days away from the surgery but now we are facing more waiting. Amelia had a cold a couple of weeks ago, thought she was going to be fine, on time to have the surgery as scheduled. Little I knew about hospital protocol for these things. She will need to be cleared from any symptoms for at least six weeks. She's fine now, not even a runny nose. Is very hard to sit around and wait for a new date from the hospital. We had it so close to get it done and go on with the rest of our lives. In the bright side, what she had was not only a common cold, she caught a virus called RSV that can be quite dangerous for small children. Somehow she managed to get through it with little discomfort and not severe symptoms. She's a strong little girl. This all for her own good I have to keep telling myself. 

One week from now

Today in one weeks time will be the day before the surgery and that's starting to resonate in my head. Amelia is recovering from RSV doing much better than a few days ago but still waiting to hear from pre admission at the hospital. The though of having surgery postponed makes my tummy go agh. I am trying to remain positive, it will happen when has to happen. 

Pre operation tests and last minute cold

We are two weeks from surgery and somehow Amelia managed to get a cold. A nasty, coughing and being miserable day and night cold. We went for the pre op exams and they were less full on than I thought. We stayed there for two hours, talked to Nicole the craniofacial team nurse and did the blood tests. Amelia was a star, she never lacks a smile on her face even after having her blood taken, nothing like her mum. 

Questions and no answers

I am finding myself with a bunch of questions lately and not that I am expecting an answer from above, but why is this happening to us? why to a little baby that hasn't done anything? Is it going to go away after the surgery? how's Amelia going to react when she gets old enough to know what happened to her head? I can't stop myself looking at other babies heads, perfect round, big heads with enough room for the brain to grow, with all the sutures surely open. Can I have one for take away? Please? All of these questions make me selfish person? I know there's so many other cases out there much worse than Amelia's and then I get some peace because we don't have it as bad. And then I go back to my list of questions after seeing her little face, smiling, completely unaware of what's about to happen and how our lives will be changed after that. Less than a month now for her surgery. 

They call it the other side

Almost a month to go for Amelia's surgery and getting more and more excited, nervous and every time I found myself looking at her with a mix of feelings because she doesn't know what's coming and might be better this way. Life after cranio surgery is called the other side, by a large number of mums in the two Facebook support groups that I've found. How will be like for us to be on the other side? We will be exhausted that's for sure. And how is it going to be like to handle over my little girl to the doctors and nurses? They say that's the hardest part. Getting anxious thinking about all of this. Pre operation tests to be done 7/04 not long now. We'll keep waiting on this side.